


Unconditional Love

by PanicAtTheEverywhere (DapperMuffin)



Series: Patton Adventures [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Deceit's named Damien, Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Nonbinary Deceit, Other, Polyamory, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, boyfriends to the rescue, i did not proofread much, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 22:25:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18455840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/PanicAtTheEverywhere
Summary: Sometimes Patton doesn't like being called 'he,' but sometimes he doesn't mind it. He-they?-are just... confused, and not exactly "emotionally stable" at the moment.





	Unconditional Love

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Dysphoria!
> 
> Okay, so I'm not genderfluid, nor have I written a genderfluid character before, so I hope this is alright. I am, however, nonbinary, so I wrote a little about what dysphoria feels like for me. I have no idea if this is good, or bad; this is the first fic I've written for Sanders Sides.
> 
> I was a bit inspired by patentpending's genderfluid Patton in their fic Powerless, and that's why my own Virgil is trans too. It's a brilliant fic.

Patton paced his room as he thought. …”he”? It just didn't sound right. Why would he _(ugh)_ have a problem with his pronouns all of a sudden? On Thursday, Patton had cringed when Virgil had referred to… them?... as “him,” but Monday Patton had been fine with Roman saying “he.”

 

Patton had about a dozen examples of times where it'd been fine to be called “he” and a dozen more times where it had felt wrong.

 

Nothing sounded quite right to Patton's ears. Patton supposed that “they” might work for now, but they still weren't... certain. They had done their best to ignore the tightness that felt as though a rope were wrapped tightly around their upper torso, or a snake slithering across their chest, squeezing them so hard they could barely breathe, but there had also been the accompanying twinge in their temple that usually caused them to flinch. So far, any discomfort they'd shown due to their pronouns had gone unnoticed by their boyfriends, and Patton wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

 

Patton halted their current stride in front of the mirror. Their reflection stared back at them, blinking as Patton did; brown hair as curly as always, ocean eyes wide and somewhat concerned. They took in their disheveled demeanor, cat-eared sweatshirt more loosely tied around their shoulders than it would be on a typical day.

 

It was Patton, they knew that much, but… something felt wrong, something was off. They didn't look any different from usual, but for some reason Patton felt different—it was their semi-masculine form, wasn't it?

 

A sort of his whine started in their head, growing in pitch and volume, and their body began to heat up, a prickling feeling in the corner of their eyes.

 

Unwittingly, Patton felt around for the nearest unbreakable object, and they hadn't even realized they'd thrown a paperweight until it left their hand, crashing into the mirror with a loud, sharp sound.

 

Patton watched as the cracks spiderwebbed out from the point of contact, the shards of their reflection splintering and falling to the floor. Almost surreally, they thought that now their reflection matched how they felt inside: broken and uncertain. Patton fell to their knees as the last of their strength gave way.

 

Footsteps coming down the hall went unnoticed; someone fumbled with the doorknob, and it swung open to reveal Logan. His face was as blank as always, but Patton could tell from the way his shoulders hunched slightly that he was concerned. Roman, Virgil, and Damien stood behind Logan, all with varying expressions of worry.

 

Logan blinked when he saw Patton on the floor—their tears dripping to the ground—noticing the broken pieces of mirror and absorbing any and all clues to the situation at hand. He then walked over to Patton, lowering himself to their level to tentatively place a hand on their shoulder. Patton sniffed, trying to pretend like nothing was wrong, and quite likely failing miserably.

 

“Patton.” Logan's voice was uncharacteristically soft as he rubbed their back. “What happened? I assume the cacophonous noise we heard was the mirror breaking, but why did you break it?”

 

Patton took a deep breath, hoping to be able to compose themself. “I-I didn't mean to. I guess I just didn't like what I saw.” They wished they hadn't gotten their boyfriends involved; they'd rather just be the happy one, they didn't want to be seen in such a state of disarray.

 

“Why not?” Confused, Virgil cocked his head.

 

Patton searched for the words to explain. “I, uh… think I might be genderfluid,” they admitted, biting their lip. “I guess I overreacted and assumed that you guys wouldn't love me anymore.”

 

Roman's eyebrows rose. “And what, pray tell, is that?”

 

“It means sometimes you feel like a girl, sometimes you feel like a guy, and sometimes you're neither, or both,” Virgil was quick to jump in.

 

“That's right,” Patton said, eyebrows furrowing. “How do you know that?”

 

Virgil sighed. “I'm actually trans, heh. And I experimented for a while with my identity before figuring it out.” That was news to Patton, and they were sure it was new information to the others as well, judging by their expressions.

 

“You are?” they managed, making eye contact with Virgil, who'd moved further into the room and was now standing in front and slightly to the right of Patton.

 

He nodded. “I’d spent so long trying out different nonbinary identities that when I figured it out, it sort of hit me out of the blue: that I was a guy. I've been Virgil since I was seventeen.” He rubbed the back of his neck in a mixture of what seemed like embarrassment from having spilled such a secret and relief from not having to hide it anymore. “So don't think that we won't still love you, popstar. That's absurd.” He froze. “Uh, sorry, can I still call you popstar, or is that too…?”

 

Patton considered. “Nah, keep the dad-themed nicknames. My dad powers transcend gender.” He felt a small smile flicker across his face, leaving as soon as it appeared.

 

Damien spoke up from where he was leaning against the doorway. “I haven't told anyone this, but I don't give myself labels. I only use 'he’ because it's easiest.” His face formed a familiar sly grin. “So you're not alone in this, sugar.”

 

“Do you really think we're so shallow, Padre?” interjected Roman next. “We've known each other since high school—Damien too, technically; even though we didn't talk much back then, we were still classmates and worked on a few projects together. So what if you go through a few pronoun changes? You're still Patton Hart, our boyfriend, and we still love you.” His eyes glazed over as he realized something. “Ooh, you know what? Maybe when you're in a feminine mood, I'll take you shopping. It'll be fun! And who knows, maybe I'll buy something from the 'female’ section for myself.” He winked.

 

“We're a very accepting bunch,” Virgil added, slipping his hand into Roman's. “We were all 'weird’ for _some_ thing in high school, so we came together in our differentness.” He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “I don't think that's a word” before continuing. “So what if you're not always a he anymore? Gender binary, hell, being _normal,_ is overrated. It's better to just be you, Patton.”

 

Patton looked to Logan now, who was the only one who hadn't spoken on the matter.

 

Logan caressed their cheek, grayish eyes gazing into blue ones as he pulled Patton into his arms. “Patton, we love you, and we won't stop loving you for something like that.” Awkwardly, he paused. “I feel as though everyone else has already said everything there was to say.”

 

Patton smiled, bumping Logan's nose with their own. “Then kiss me already.”

 

“Gladly,” obliged Logan. Virgil squeezed Roman's hand gently as he, Roman, and Damien watched their boyfriends fondly.

 

Logan and Patton broke apart, and Patton discovered he'd found out what he felt like today. “Uh, okay, so then, today I feel like a 'she.'”

 

“Alright.” Logan took it in stride, a quiet smile on his lips.

 

Patton knew she was truly lucky to have people who cared so unconditionally for her; she knew that, no matter what, her four boyfriends would always be there for her, and she hoped that would never change.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kinda nervous about posting this, so if you read this and you liked it, feel free to drop a comment down below.  
> Alternatively, if you have any advice, constructive criticism, or noticed a typo, drop that in a comment down below too.


End file.
